They Weren't There

To whom it may concern;

Letting go is hard. I'd love to just wake up tomorrow morning and have let go of everything that weighs me down. Every regret, every heartbreak, every mistake, everything I can't change. But you and I both know that that isn't going to happen any time soon...

So how do I let go?

One can only vent, bitch, cry, scream, ignore, and hate so much. You get to an exhausted limit of your energies, at which point your body tells your mind and heart to go jump off a cliff and shuts itself down.
I found out from a friend about someone they knew who had exhausted their emotions to the point that they turned to a night of intense binge drinking  to shut it all off. Typically reaction for many people. But they are a diabetic (and for those of you who don't know...diabetes screws with your pancrease's insulin production, which balances the glucose level in your blood). Alcohol isn't exactly diabetic friendly, combined with a less than functional insulin deliverance, results in bad news bears. Fortunately this person is ok, but why do we hurt ourselves more to make a different sort of hurt go away?

My other issue is this; yes, you always have your friends to turn to, and sure they've probably been through a similar situation, or can relate to whatever you're going through, but do they ever really know how you feel? I don't think they could if they tried. Because we are all raised differently, experience different things, and learn to function so differently, it's not possible to comprehend each others pain I don't think.

So it's fair when we get upset and pull away and shut down, because where else do you go?

Play On

To whom it may concern;
Over the next year I intend to learn, grow, and better myself as a person. There have been a lot of lessons I've learned over the past year, but I still have a long way to go. Seeing as it's a new year, I'm going to attempt New Years Resolutions...starting now.

• Fast food once a month (max.)
• Gym 4 times a week (min.)
• Change bulletin boards twice a month (min.)
• Hold at least 1 floor program per month
• Get up by 9am
• Attend every single class (unless super valid reason)
• Get a 70 average for the semester

That's all I've got for now. Let's see how well I can stick to these this year; they really aren't that hard.
Love always,
Court. xox

P.S. You'll come to notice that my blog titles will be a song title - typically a reflection of my mood or state of mind that day (or moment.) Just fyi.